When you hide things inside and tuck them away they have a funny way of coming back around when you least expect it. It's always best to be as honest as possible about what you want. Is this something you can talk to your husband about? Would he be supportive of you exploring your interest in women? Hopefully the answer to both those questions is yes.

First off, I want to thank you for sharing something that seems to be rather intimate and touches on what appears to have been a rather sensitive subject in your life. I think a lot of people have felt the confusion and apprehension that you were describing and never talked about it. So, just by putting it out there, I think you're doing something huge.

I think a lot of us have been through something similar to what you described in high school. I know I have! And it sucks. Especially when we to a certain extent internalize the homophobia being thrown at us and learn to ignore or repress parts of us that haven't done anything wrong. Personally, I think what you are describing is normal, it's just not talked about a lot. just the other day I felt a change in my sexuality myself and it kind of spun me for a loop. I thought I got through all that stuff when I was in high school. Apparently not.

The human sexuality is very fluid and prone to shifting and changing, ebbing and flowing. Just like every aspect of our identity, I don't think we can ever truly know it. All we can do is go deeper into it (if that makes any sense) and explore it. But I don't think we ever get a definitive picture of what it is. As such, I think that you should ask yourself if you feel comfortable exploring that aspect of your sexuality and possibly your identity and keep in mind that thet doesn't necessarily have to entail sexual acts, especially if you would feel uncomfortable or if it would be injurous to your marriage. I think that you're already doing the right thing by putting it out there to a group such as this one and I'm sure that if you ever have queations or need support, there will be people here willing to help.

Hope this wasn't too psychoanalytic or ranty. I've actually been immersed in studying sexual orientation and identity development for the past few weeks!

You sought out this tribe, that means something! Trust me, it's better to love other women than to be one who feels jealousy and anger towards other women. It's nothing to be worried about! It's increased consciousness.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Tree, Kali, and Schirin for your support.